Confessions of a Ride Share Driver

December 16, 2017

Well it has been a few weeks since my last Uber/Lyft story, so I figured it was time to post about my recent experiences. Especially since they are fresh in my head at the moment and tonight was one to remember, that’s for sure.

Anyways, tis the season for holiday parties, gatherings, etc. So it has been very busy the last few weeks driving for both Uber and Lyft. Uber is definitely the more popular of the two in Spokane and usually the busiest. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is what it is.

My first story was a few weeks ago, a very large gentleman, about 6 foot, 6 inches tall and easily 300 pounds was celebrating his recent engagement with some buddies. He was bragging about how much he had to drink and at how well he was holding it together. Well that changed quickly as he got car sick on the trip home. We had about a 20 minute drive to his place and we had to pull over on the side of the Palouse Highway on our way out to Eagle Ridge. He proceeded to vomit for 10-15 minutes and kept repeating, “Holy $h!t, that’s a lot of f@ck!ng puke!” Thankfully, I didn’t get to see it and it all ended up on the side of the highway, but I was very happy to get him home and out of my car.

Next up was a trip from last weekend where I was driving a 40-ish year old couple home from a fancy holiday party. They were all dressed up, but very drunk as they got into my vehicle. The husband sat in back and the wife was up front with me. We had another 20 minute drive out to Eagle Ridge and the wife requested that I crank up the heat and if it was going to make her sick, she would let me know so that I could pull over… hmmmm… drunk logic, I guess. Not sure why we needed to have the heat on high with the potential of it making her sick. Anyways, she had the hiccups the whole way home, which made me very nervous, because I thought she was going to get sick the whole time. Thankfully, she didn’t, but proceeded to talk my ear off while her husband slept in the back.

Alright, fast forward to this evening/early morning. It was VERY busy considering the constant snowfall that we had all day. I didn’t mind since it was a productive night, but I had a few passengers that I may never forget. A number of my passengers fell on the way to getting into the car. I also saw a lot of people falling around downtown Spokane. Tis the season for balance issues as well eh? Next, there were at least two dozen cars that couldn’t get up the South Hill, Monroe Street Hill, etc. Thankfully, I was able to navigate these hills just fine. Pro tip; for those of you that have newer vehicles, turn off your traction control, and you will actually do better getting up those hills. It worked very well for me this evening. I also saw about eight abandoned vehicles on the side of the freeway. Makes me wonder if these vehicles broke down or they just gave up and walked home?

Okay, time for the story that you’ve been waiting for, I picked up two ladies who were also in their mid-40’s, if I had to guess. I almost cancelled their trip and drove off, because they took so long, but waited, since I’m a nice guy and all. They got in and mentioned that their boss had requested this Uber for them since they had “too much fun” at their holiday work party. Not an uncommon request, people summon Uber’s for their friends, family, coworkers, etc. all the time. Anyways, we proceeded to head to their hotel and one of the women was asking about people who get sick in Uber’s and what happens to them. I mentioned how I had a few passengers earlier, who made me nervous about them getting sick, but thankfully they didn’t or they usually tell me to pull over in time. If not, then they have the hefty $150 to $250 cleaning fee. Right when we get done having this conversation, her friend literally starts puking in her purse. Let me say that again, she puked in her freaking purse! After I had said that I could pull over and I had puke bags in my glove box… I offered to pull over as I saw/heard what was happening in back and her friend says, “Well, the damage is already done. She might as well keep puking in that purse.” Fair enough, I guess. Hopefully it wasn’t an expensive purse and I guess the other positive is that her boss didn’t have to pay a $250 cleaning fee or worse, maybe she would have gotten fired too for throwing up in her boss’ Uber…

I know this is already a long-winded story, but I’m catching you up on four weeks worth of stories. The more that I drive these drunk folks around, I am just baffled at how many of them get physically ill and how many of them can hardly take care of themselves. Especially when you’re in 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, and beyond. It honestly makes me never want to drink again. I mean everyone has fun in their 20’s and that’s what those years are for. But, once you get past that, there are few benefits to drinking, unless it’s red wine and I still enjoy my wine every now and then. I guess the moral of the story is, handle your $h!t. There are too many sloppy drunks out there and most of them are too old to be sloppy drunks. Silver-lining is that it’s job security for me and that these folks aren’t drinking and driving… I don’t know, just something to think about and it’s time for bed…

November 17, 2017

A week ago Garth Brooks started playing his seven sold out shows in Spokane. I heard it brought a lot of folks from the area to town and stimulated the local economy. Well it also brought a lovely individual from Kennewick who decided to file a complaint against me and get my Uber account suspended.

I was going about my usual business last Thursday night/early Friday morning and just had completed a long trip from the airport to Colbert (a 30 minute drive) and then as soon as I completed that trip, I kept getting emails and notices saying that my Uber account had been deactivated. Apparently the Garth Brooks concert-goer felt that I was “impaired” during our trip from the Spokane Arena to Airway Heights. I had picked this person up an hour before my long drive to Colbert. So something changed with this person in an hour, because we had a pleasant conversation the whole way out to Airway Heights (a 20 minute drive). I contacted “Uber support,” or we should say lack of support, around 1am, right when my account got deactivated. They basically told me that I was out of luck and they need to “investigate” for the next 48 hours.

Initially, I figured I would just suck it up for the next 48 hours and drive for Lyft. Well, unfortunately, Lyft is not as popular in Spokane and Uber is usually the only app surging during these types of events. After being frustrated about losing money and sharing my story with others, someone told me I should threaten to sue for loss of wages and defamation of character. If this “passenger” felt that I was impaired and that they were “unsafe,” then they should have contacted local law enforcement. I was not under the influence of anything except maybe a little sleep deprivation, but even that was mild. I always log off when I’m too tired to drive and spend all of my time babysitting my “impaired” passengers. After 2+ years of driving for Uber, over 600 trips, and a 4.9 out of 5 star rating, I couldn’t believe that this was the “thanks” I was getting? After one false complaint?

So I contacted “Uber lack of support” again, and this time threatened to sue the passenger who falsely accused me of being “impaired.” I was thankful that someone motivated me to do so, because that quickly got their attention and they dropped the case (after about eight back-and-forth emails) and reactivated me. I hated to be that guy, because everyone threatens legal action these days, but I was VERY frustrated that they gave some random passenger that much power over my income and my ability to earn money. A quick background check would have ended their “investigation” in a matter of minutes and that’s what I kept stressing to them. Take a look at my squeaky clean driving record and my squeaky clean background. Do I seem like the type to drive “impaired?” Probably not…

I also heard a rumor that Kennewick just got Uber, so maybe this individual didn’t understand how it all works. They also mentioned that someone had dumped a beer on them at the concert and stolen their previous Uber and took a trip under their name. Maybe they were having a bad night and decided to take it out on me or filed a claim against the wrong driver? Either way, you done messed up two of my nights last week, person from Kennewick! Next time you come to the “big city” aka Spokane, call a cab or walk haha.

I hate to be bitter about this incident, but I will be promoting Lyft from this day forward. They treat their passengers and drivers a lot better. I have zero complaints after driving for them the last 6-7 months and I have a number of complaints with Uber the last 2+ years. Unfortunately, I have to keep driving for Uber, because they are definitely the most popular in the Spokane area…

Thankfully this story does have a happy ending, because I did get my account reactivated with no legal action, and my passengers this past week have been very kind. They have given a lot of tips (must be the holiday spirit) and one guy even gave me a bag of peanut M&M’s and a cash tip! Most passengers are pleasant and fun to talk to, but there’s always one in every crowd that ruins it for the rest of us eh?

October 6, 2017

I haven’t really had any Uber/Lyft stories to report the last few months, so sorry for the lack of posts. However, I do have a few stories thanks to the last couple of weeks of driving.

Last weekend was pretty eventful with the 90’s pub crawl thing going on in downtown Spokane ,and I had a cab driver get pretty hostile with me, because I parked in his “spot” for 30 seconds. If you are from the Spokane area, you know that The Satellite doesn’t really have any parking. So, you just kind of pull over with your flashers on, which is pretty standard for a ride-share driver. This cab driver approaches my window as I’m waiting for my passenger and asks me if I’m an Uber or Lyft driver. I reply that I’m both, but currently waiting for an Uber request. He then says that if I park there again he’s going to box me in and call the cops. This isn’t the first time that I’ve had a cab driver get hostile with me, so I was ready to let him have it after that comment haha. I told him that the street is public domain and that I’d like to see him try to box me in with his Dodge Caravan. Also, that law enforcement has better things to do than waste their time with a disgruntled cab driver. By this time my passenger had hopped in the car and he noticed what was happening and starts chiming in as well. Thankfully, the passenger was on my side, and the cab driver had some other “kind” things to say while he was walking back to his van, I told him that 2005 called and they want their Bluetooth earpiece back. He happened to be wearing one of these relics. Needless to say that we got the last word and I hate to say it, but I have no sympathy for these dudes. It’s not the first time and probably won’t be the last. Their problem is with their employer and Uber or Lyft as a company. I’m just a contractor and trust me, I don’t really want to be doing this job either, but I’ve got bills to pay haha!

After that, I had a gentleman who was clearly on something, because his behavior was pretty bizarre and he was gesturing like a rapper in a music video while he was talking. Or like a DJ on turntables, if you will. It was hilarious. He then proceeded to have me drive him downtown to a bar, then to an ATM, then back to the same bar, then to a convenience store, and then back home. While he was at this particular bar, he kept going in the back entrance, then coming out the front, then back in the front, and out the back again. Like I said, bizarre. He claimed that some guy “owed him money” and he was looking for him. Long story short, I was happy when that trip was over.

Fast forward to last night and I had some of the best passengers that I’ve had in a while. Kind of restored my faith in humanity, especially since there has been so much negativity in the media lately. Kindness and good conversation goes a long way. I had a blast talking sports with these two guys who were on a beer run and then had a good chat with a guy who was apparently having a rough night, but we both found out that we lived in the same area of Sacramento. Pretty cool, and makes you realize how small the world really is.

Well I’m sure I’ll have more stories soon, since Halloween is approaching and it’s the busiest Uber/Lyft night of the year. Stay tuned…

July 6, 2017

“Please don’t write an Uber story about me on Facebook.” – People whom I know who randomly get me as their Uber driver. C’mon now. I wouldn’t play you like that. Tommy D. keeps it classy and I don’t use first names in my stories.

June 27, 2017

Tonight’s Uber/Lyft story has nothing to do with my passengers. They were all chill and fun to talk to. However, the kids tailgating in the parking lot at Mead High School, that’s a different story. One of my Uber trips took me up to Hastings Road and I saw some Sheriff cruisers driving with their headlights off. There were three of them, so I figured they were sneaking up on someone. I happened to see the kids tailgating before the Sheriff’s rounded the corner. Of course I slowed down so I could see it play out and those kids had to have been crapping and/or peeing their pants.

June 24, 2017

As expected, very busy night for both Uber and Lyft with Poopfest weekend. It cracks me up when people feel the need to help me navigate even though I literally have my GPS on my dash. I mean, if you have a better route, then fair enough. But, when you enter my vehicle announcing that you have lived in Spokane since 1999 and keep saying, “My dude, my dude, I’ve got you on the directions.” Well that’s cool, I’ve lived here since 1985. I humored this dude though as he proceeded to take us around the block in circles during surge pricing. Finally he gave in and was like, “I’m sorry my dude, guess I don’t know where I’m going.” Next up we had a very intoxicated woman who had some severe and violent hiccups. She eventually passed out and then her violent hiccups turned into what sounded like a little dog randomly barking in my front seat. Wish I could have gotten some video or audio of the barking pterodactyl…

June 10, 2017

T’was a pretty busy night for both Uber and Lyft with Elkfest going on and whatnot. Nothing too crazy from the 12 trips I had, but there were a couple of funny happenings. I went to pick up one passenger and noticed he was urinating on a dumpster when I pulled up. So that was an awkward first impression. Next up was a girl who refused to leave my back seat, because she was sleeping. Her boyfriend kept trying to get her out, but she kept saying, “Nah, I’m good. I’ll just sleep here tonight.” He was like, “You can’t! This is an Uber!” I assured him she wasn’t the first and definitely won’t be the last to do that.

May 6, 2017

Uber story time! Thankfully no Lyft stories yet. Everyone on Lyft has been super chill. As for my Uber passengers tonight, two of them got me pulled over for the first time in a long time. These gents wanted to go to The Satellite. Well as many of you know, there are two one-way streets on that corner. So, drop-offs and pick-ups are a little sketchy. I pull over to drop these guys off and a police officer sees me doing so. I turn on my flashers and the officer pulls up next to us and screams, “No blocking the road! Move now!” I reply, “Ok, sorry.” And before I could finish that sentence, the passenger goes, “Well you don’t have to be such a dick about it!” Officer slams on his breaks and proceeds to pull me over a second time in the same stop and says, “Oh, hell no! Now we have a problem!” He yells at me to exit the vehicle, I’ve got my license and registration in my hands with my hands up and he asks me what the hell is going on. I explain to him that I’m an Uber driver and literally just met these guys. He laughs and goes, “Ohhhhhh, I thought these were your boys. So, which one called me a dick?” I said, “Well I’m not a snitch, but the guy in the front seat is so drunk he’ll admit to it.” He lets me go while these guys continue to argue with the officer. He was going to let us all go, but those 40 something’s couldn’t shut up, so they might be sleeping in the drunk tank tonight. My next passenger was a young kid who said his buddy was getting lucky and he had to bail. He apparently tried to hook up with the girl’s friends, but struck out. After we get to his place, he said he felt bad that he didn’t have any cash. I told him it was cool. He replies, “Well I’ve got a bunch of quarters, you want some quarters?” Before I could answer, he answers his own question by saying, “Wait right here. I’m going to give you some quarters, because you’ve been hella cool.” So now I have about four dollars in quarters…

April 15, 2017

I find it offensive that Uber passengers think my Corolla Sport is a Prius. Silly drunk people. Speaking of drunk people, I had a 45-year-old woman lay down length-wise in my backseat and pass out. Meanwhile, her husband was in the front seat, very upset, and embarrassed. I tried to tell him it’s cool and it happens a lot. He didn’t seem to care and kept saying how he was never going to let her live this one down.

April 4, 2017

The last few months I’ve been driving the “graveyard shift” for Uber. I’ve always been a night owl, so I don’t mind it. Plus, it’s easier for me to stay up later than get up early, less competition with other Uber drivers, and open roads aka no traffic. Anyways, you see some bizarre things driving around at odd hours. For example, tweakers pushing strollers with random items in it, riding a bike while towing another bike, fighting with another tweaker over a shopping cart, etc. As for my passengers, they have been pretty rad. Only had a few folks that were a little too drunk for life. One gentleman and I were talking about how high the river is right now and he went on this 20-minute rant about how you would die immediately in that water and every scenario on how you could try to survive. I kept trying to change the subject, because it was getting a little dark, but he eventually lost his voice. In other news, I had a woman who put my newly acquired puke bags to good use. Thankfully I picked some up the night before. Other than that, just business as usual.

March 16, 2017

So, no crazy Uber stories the last few weeks. Actually been driving around a lot of cool people from all over the country and giving out a lot of business cards. However, I did drive a lot of drunk people around last weekend for St. Paddy’s celebrations and I’m sure it will be the same this weekend. Which reminds me, I am baffled by how many people I drive to their “hook ups.” I mean this one guy’s Tinder game must have been really strong, because he got his date to request and pay for his trip during surge pricing. Ballin! Hahaha! Then this evening I had a gentleman who was so passionate about what he was saying that he kept gesturing violently and I thought he was going to punch my dash. Last funny Uber occurrence is when I drive drunk groups home and they spend the whole trip arguing about which route is faster to their destination. Meanwhile I’m following my GPS listening and laughing at their heated discussion…

March 8, 2017

Had some awesome Uber passengers tonight. All I can say is that I hope this one story is true. A passenger said he always asks drivers about their crazy stories and the best one he had heard was, last Hoopfest a disgruntled rider apparently felt that the best way to deal with his aggression was to poop his pants and then proceed to smear it on the Uber driver’s car. One of the many reasons why Hoopfest is also known as Poopfest. Again, someone else’s story, not mine, thankfully.

February 5, 2017

Oh Uber, on tonight’s episode, we had a lot of drive thru trips. Passengers are always very kind and offer to buy me stuff at Zip’s, Jack In The Box, McDonald’s, etc. I always politely decline, with maybe two exceptions where I had an ultimate cheeseburger haha. Anyways, I know most drivers aren’t willing to make stops, but I don’t mind. So after I declined tonight, this Justin Beiber lookin kid, was like, why? I explained to him that I’m a personal trainer and he was like, “Oh yea, I see you drinkin dat Cam-bucha. You’s a fit man.” I think he meant Kombucha and I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but a “fit man” was a new one and the way he said it was hysterical. Next up were a few other random trips and then I picked up a group from Borracho’s. Where apparently some ladies were being removed from an altercation. One was talking about how she was going to slit someone’s throat. The first 15 minutes of the trip were very hostile. The husbands were apologizing profusely and the wives kept talking about how they were going to start boxing lessons so they could knock some b!tche$ at Borracho’s out. The husbands asked if I had ever had any similar trips. I referenced the story where a girl was on the phone the whole trip insulting some guy’s manhood and saying that he was going to die alone. They laughed and when I dropped them off, they apologized one more time for the Real Housewives of Millwood. Their words, not mine hahaha! Lastly, I picked up some Gonzaga kids who were very drunk and admitted to being stoned. They said some locals offered them some weed at a taco truck and then they ended up at this random warehouse party off Market street. Sounds like solid decision making all around haha. They admitted that the party was a little sketchy and when I dropped them off at their house on Boone street, they were like, “That’s us! The Boone Street B!tche$!” Again, their words, not mine lol!

February 4, 2017

After being an Uber driver for the last year and a half, I’ve noticed that the surges are insane during this year’s snow storms. I mean it’s more than New Year’s and Halloween aka two biggest Uber days of the year. Typically I would stay home and play it safe, but my bank account and bills say otherwise. So it’s time to go cash in on this madness. Hopefully I can even get out of my own driveway and our neighborhood…

January 29, 2017

Uber never disappoints… night was pretty normal as usual, then got a request followed by a panicked phone call. Apparently these guys needed a ride ASAP. I informed them that I was 5 minutes away and would be there soon. When I picked them up, they said they were from Texas and at a house party that got sketchy real quick. I didn’t have the heart to tell them they were in a part of Spokane known as “felony flats,” but we got them to a bar so they could continue their partying. Next I picked up some teenagers on the upper south hill. Oh how I don’t envy the awkward teenage years. What was even better, was that the girls were wearing the same jeans that my mom wore in the 80s and 90s. Wasn’t hot then, still isn’t. High waisted anything is very unflattering. Even for the best physiques. Last trip was with two ladies who had a good night partying. One apparently got “too turnt,” as the kids say, because I saw A LOT of puke come out of a 100 pound girl. I mean it was impressive and disgusting all-in-one. Thankfully all pukes took place outside the vehicle and in random snow banks. I’ll end this post by saying, anyone know any publishers? Maybe I should get my Confessions of an Uber Driver book going…

January 22, 2017

Holy Uber Adventures! I’ve got some stories tonight! Not sure where to even begin. The last few weeks have been kind of boring. Lots of driving Air Force dudes around and just standard Uber trips. Then tonight was just like boom! Every trip had shenanigans lol! Anyways, so it starts by me picking up at least three guys in a row named Larry. Honestly thought it was a glitch or a typo. Then, I pick up another guy who just broke it off with his crazy baby mama and was going to meet up with a lady he met online. Well I’ve been matchmaker before, why not again, eh? Next, the roads of Spokane are literally disintegrating in front of our eyes. I mean it’s a miracle I didn’t lose a tire, multiple times! Guess I’ll have to go check my tires in the morning. Honestly, worst potholes I’ve seen in my entire life of living here. I had an English teacher who called them elephant birthing sites lol. Next, with the side streets the way they are and my car isn’t that low, but I swear I almost lost my exhaust and/or messed up my suspension as well. Moving on, I picked up some Gonzaga basketball players who were celebrating their win. I’ve picked a few of them up before, but this one involved a silly trip to McDonald’s, a few “Chinese fire drills” at stop lights and one left a phone in my car. Then I nearly hit a raccoon on Northwest Boulevard, but happy to say we all survived. Lastly, I picked up this guy who was standing near the maple street bridge and just reeked of cheeseburgers. So now my car may or may not smell like a fast food restaurant. Sheesh! I’m ready for bed…

January 14, 2017

Even though there are times when I can’t stand Uber driving; aka babysitting drunk people, it’s not good for my back, not what I want to do for a career, etc. There are times I do enjoy it; because I get paid to cruise around, listen to music, network with people and more importantly I get to be my own boss. So today I’m thankful for my side hustle while I build my fitness ventures. Oh, and only one Uber story to report tonight; a little old lady gave me a two dollar tip in quarters. That was a first.

January 8, 2017

On tonight’s Uber adventures, I’m not even sure where to start. I guess at the beginning with me cleaning the ice out of my wheel wells with a butter knife, because it was starting to rub on the tires. Then I saw someone going the wrong way on Ash (a one way street) by Safeway on Northwest Boulevard. After a handful of other trips, I saw someone who had wrecked their Mazdaratti pretty good. Bumpers were all over the road and cars were high-centered on the median. Next I picked up some unfortunate humans from Lilac Lanes who were headed to Northern Quest. There weren’t very many brain cells between the three of them, so listening to them play charades on the ride out was quite entertaining. Then ended the night with a fun group who referred to me as a gentleman and a scholar… and that’s all I can remember for right now…

December 11, 2016

As always, Uber never disappoints. Had an assortment of characters in my car tonight. It was a VERY busy night due to holiday parties and the weather. Anyways, most were awesome as usual, but three stood out in my mind. One was a very sarcastic young woman who recently found out that Uber drivers can rate their passengers as well. Apparently she had gotten bad ratings from previous trips. I thought she was funny and threw some sarcasm right back at her. Next up were two girls from Japan. I literally thought I would have nothing in common with them except casual conversation. Turns out that all three of us have a mutual friend. What are the odds? Small world indeed. And the best for last… I drove a couple home that were nice, but VERY drunk. I think our long drive up to Brown’s Mountain made them even more drunk, because the husband almost rolled all the way down the mountain. He fell six times in his own driveway and kept rolling down. I thought he was messing with us, but a 40 year old male, who was about 6’5″ and 300 lbs. went full man-child and was just giggling and frolicking around the snow. Best part was that each time he fell, he lost his red solo cup, phone, Crown Royal bag and chew container. Then would pick them all up again to fall again. Meanwhile his wife is yelling at him to get his ish together, because he’s too damn big to carry into the house.

December 6, 2016

Had some awesome passengers tonight while Uber driving. One guy refused to believe that I am almost 32. We started to talk health and fitness, and was just a great conversation. Gotta save the best for last though, ended the night with a guy who had an ugly sweater on that featured frosty the snowman drinking a couple of beer steins. The best part was that he was trying very hard to update his address in the Uber app and the struggle was real. Thankfully his more sober friend could guide us, but it was funny to hear the drunk guy talk about how crazy smart phones are. He’s like, “They just do soooo many things!!!”

November 27, 2016

The new whip did good on her maiden Uber voyage. Couple of funny stories to report. First, I’ve never understood excessive PDA. A little bit, fine, good for you. But, all of those other folks, we get it! You’re just soooooo into each other. So these two are practically eating each other’s faces in the back seat while I’m talking to what I’m assuming is one of their parents aka dad in the front seat and pretty sure mom was in the back seat with them. Either way, I’m thankful that I didn’t have to test my anti-lock breaks to break up the grandchild/love child that was about to be made. Who wants to see that ish? Second, I’m pretty sure I’ve helped a lot of people with their Tinder dates. I can always tell, because they are never quite sure on where they are going and they are like, “Yea, so I met this guy or I met this girl and we’re going to hang out.” Yea, at 2am? I get it, you swiped right, or left, or however that app works. Lastly, I find it funny how many people flash their high beams at me and then I flash mine back to show how much brighter my LED’s can get. Sorry that your Monte Carlo halogens can’t compete bro.

November 12, 2016

Tonight was definitely an adventure. Let me start by saying please tip your Uber driver. Even if it’s just a couple of bucks. It means a lot. I worked in the food service industry for seven years, so I always tip when I’m out. I realize not everyone knows, but now you do. Second, if you make a mess in an Uber car, it’s just like a taxi, you will be hit with a hefty fine. I had an incident tonight and the passenger’s trip went from cheap to expensive. Now that’s out of the way, on to the funny stuff. I picked up some young ladies from Swaxx that were at a concert/show. When I asked them how it was, they said it was “turnt.” And when they saw some other ladies who were intoxicated, they said, “Man, those girls got too turnt.” Next, we have the foam party, which you probably saw in my video. Someone put a whole jug of laundry detergent in the fountain on Division and Magnesium. The foam was running all the way down to the Y. Well played Spokane, well played.

November 8, 2016

On tonight’s Uber episode, I drove almost the whole day and let’s just say, it got weird as the day went on. Started out with me driving a few GU basketball players, being 7 foot tall is usually a dead giveaway and they were talking about practice, etc. Then I literally drove someone’s nana to her doctor’s appointment. Poor thing didn’t speak a lick of English either. Her grandson kept calling to check up on us. Then picked up some random girl from Hobby Lobby who proceeded to argue on the phone with some guy. She was nice and talked about her “business” and being “self-employed” and whatnot, but all I could think about was how her backpack smelled like cat pee… then I picked up a Spokane Empire player and he was a really cool guy. Then it was time to go train my client at the gym. After that, hit the road some more and all was good until I picked up a passenger who was so drunk, she couldn’t even buckle her seat belt. Her two friends just plopped her down in my seat and said good luck… gee… thanks… so miss wasted pants is so drunk that she can’t even form a sentence, let alone words. Made for an awkward drive to her house. Arrive at her house and she claims it’s not her house. Frustrated, she gets out of the car and starts walking. I start to drive away and then realize she is laying on the ground. Being the nice guy I am, I couldn’t just leave some helpless human on the ground. So I hop out of the car and realize the fall must have sobered her up a little, because she thinks I’m a brand new person and finally recognizes her house. Took some convincing and a few falls later, but we managed to get her into the house. Oh, and she fell one more time in the house. All I can say is that I hope she has some pain killers for that tailbone and that hangover in the morning… time to keep growing the fitness biz, so that I don’t have to do this anymore hahaha… time for bed…

October 30, 2016

My Uber passengers are very thoughtful. The majority of them invite me inside their homes to have a beer or hang out. I have yet to accept one of these kind gestures, but could you imagine if I did? Then what? Does the Uber driver request an Uber or do I just have random sleepovers?

October 22, 2016

In tonight’s Uber adventures I picked up a couple of younger guys in their 20’s and they told me I was the most normal Uber driver they have had in a while. They said other Spokane Uber drivers are tweakers and are on drugs. They were also talking about Uber drivers in other cities and how they saw videos of them fighting with passengers and vice versa. They said they had heard of one Uber driver who drives naked as well… Uber better step up their screening process… My next passenger climbed into the vehicle with three Corona’s in hand and started to tell me about his Tinder date gone bad. He said they went out with a couple of his date’s friends and ended up at a house where his date apparently had too much to drink and started puking. So he summoned me to drive him back downtown to find a new date. Best of luck fella…

October 4, 2016

It’s funny that Uber driving reminds me of real life GTA. Minus all of the crime and violence of course, but each trip feels like a video game mission. Especially with the app and navigation.

September 22, 2016

Note to self, do not take the back roads to areas unknown with little to no cell service, because you might accidentally end up in Canada.

August 11, 2016

So before I reveal tonight’s Uber adventure, I must start with a little disclaimer. I do not judge anyone based on their occupation, religion, political views, etc. I judge people on whether or not they are a$$holes. I also know some people look down on me as an Uber driver. We all do what we gotta do to pay the bills. Anyways, I picked up a “dancer” and she hops in the car with her Hello Kitty backpack while eating a Rice Krispy Treat. I asked her if she was a big Hello Kitty fan and mentioned that I like turtles since I was wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt. Mid drive she starts having a coughing and sneezing attack. Can’t say I’ve ever seen that before so I kept driving. She got her ish under control and was able to help me find her apartment. After I drop each passenger off, I typically scan the car to see if they left anything behind. Well the dancer had left a pack of cigarettes. I grabbed them and checked to see if anything was in there. There were two cigarettes. I mean, was that my tip? Lol.

August 10, 2016

Felt like a matchmaker on tonight’s Uber adventures. I drove this young guy to his house tonight and then about 10 minutes later, I picked up a young girl who requested a trip to the same address I just left. I asked her if we were heading to her boyfriend’s house? She was a little surprised that I knew and I explained to her that I literally just drove him home from work. She laughed and funniest part of the story was that she had a spice rack with her and said he lacked “basic adult things” at his apartment. Typical guy… lol!

August 6, 2016

On tonight’s Uber adventures there were no clowns heading to band practice. In fact it was the complete opposite. A few pleasant passengers, but mostly snobs this evening. Just a bunch of entitled snobs doing snobby things on snob drive up on snob hill lol. Seriously though, if I drive all the way up to your house and you’re not ready to roll or Google maps didn’t lead me directly to your doorstep and you cancel your trip, because of it? God forbid you have to walk a few steps or is it that my 2014 Corolla isn’t quite a Mazdaratti? Whatever the reason for all the cancellations tonight, I’m glad you all still had to pay a cancellation fee. Best part is now I know where you live. How about I bring a bag of flaming dog poo Billy Madison style to your doorstep? Bet that would ruin your Netflix and chill eh? The next snobby thing on the list is the few passengers who complain that I don’t have “water for my clients.” First off, you’re not a client. You’re a passenger. A client is someone who trains with me at the gym. A longer term relationship if you will. I understand that the “on-demand society” has made us even more spoiled than we already are as Americans, but this is Spokane. We’ll arrive at your destination in about 10 minutes and then you can chug all the water you want. Lastly, Uber continues to screw its drivers so bad, that I can guarantee you that I’m not going to spend money on bottled tap water for my “clients.” Sorry not sorry snobs. Stay classy Spokane.

August 4, 2016

Haven’t posted an Uber Adventure in a little while and that’s probably, because things have been fairly normal until tonight. The weirdos were out in full force. Story begins with a gentleman who clearly doesn’t value hygiene like the rest of society and literally smelled like he hadn’t bathed in weeks. He insisted on the windows being up as well. Let’s just say, I didn’t allow that. He had a 10 year old kid with him and I’m assuming it was his son. He insisted on letting his son handle a 70 pound suitcase. I tried to swoop in knowing this wouldn’t end well and the kid of course scratched my bumper in a few different places. They also had two fans and a hefty bag full of other items. Why do I always get stuck helping people move via Uber? Then I interrupted a guy trying to climb into a car through the sun roof and saw someone wandering the Maple street bridge in a baseball jersey, clown wig and had an electric guitar with them. I’m hoping I’ll wake up from this weird dream soon…
June 30, 2016

A little Uber trivia for you FB folks. I drove this girl home last night who lives near Manito Park and we were talking about Spokane history, fun facts. etc. She claims that the same guy who designed Manito Park, also designed Central Park. I guess I can kind of see a resemblance. True or false, anyone know? I did confirm that it used to be a zoo prior to the great depression. Kind of cool and she was right about that.
June 21, 2016

I think I just helped a guy move from the Spokane Valley to the Shadle Area via Uber. We initially started at the house in the Shadle Area, went to the house in the valley and he proceeded to gather his belongings, (garbage bag full of stuff, backpack, giant bottle of Grey Goose, lighters, cigarettes, flops, etc.) you know, the essentials. Then we stopped at Jack In The Box and made our way back to the north side. When we arrived back at his new home, he offered me “a hit” off of his e-cigarette as a tip. I politely declined. Cheaper than a U-Haul eh?

June 12, 2016

On tonight’s Uber adventures, all of my passengers were fun people and nothing crazy to report. However, I saw this lonely fella on the left hanging out with his pizza. Then two other dudes showed up and turned it into a sidewalk pizza party.

June 8, 2016

Not all of my Uber adventures are crazy. Drove home some super chill people tonight. One will most likely be the next big sports celebrity from Spokane. Kid was offered a full ride for football by at least a dozen schools and is going to California to play. He also plans to finish his bachelor’s in two years and his master’s in two years while he plays football. He hopes to make it to the NFL, but has his professional career mapped out in case he doesn’t. I think he has a shot, because he barely fit in my car and was a multi-sport athlete in high school. Anyways, I was really impressed by this kid. Shoot, I’m 31 and just figured out my life a year or so ago and he’s 18 with a solid plan. I should have gotten his autograph haha!

June 6, 2016

Welp, Uber never disappoints that’s for sure. On tonight’s episode, I picked up a nice couple from the airport. They are originally from Michigan and in town visiting. They’ve been traveling a lot and the airlines lost their luggage. We attempted to stop at 7-Eleven on 3rd and Division for supplies, but every tweaker and meth head in Spokane seemed to be there. I’ve stopped there a handful of times and know what to expect, but had never seen a display like that before. They were startled by what they saw as well and we all agreed to pass and just continue on to their hotel. The next passenger had me drive him to his mom’s house and he wasn’t much of a talker. He admitted that he had been “drinking” and that’s why he summoned me. When we got to his mom’s house, I found out the real reason why we were there was to check on his mom’s dog. The poor dog was sitting in the front yard when we arrived and the guy says, “Thank God! I was worried that I forgot to put him back inside and he stayed.” Apparently this poor dog was roaming the neighborhood for a few hours. I agreed to give him and the dog a ride back to his house where I originally picked him up. Honestly, I was more happy to help the dog, because I’m pretty sure this dude was tweaking out on something as well. Let’s hope that’s all for now as I wait for my next passenger.

June 2, 2016

On tonight’s Uber adventures; I find it funny when people ask me what my “real job” is and I tell them I’m a personal trainer. Then they usually get a little self-conscious and describe to me all the healthy things they do in their life as if I was judging them. Then they ask me if we can go to a drive-thru. Okay, now maybe I’m judging a little lol. Well, not really judging, more like I wish I could take them to the store and show them some healthier alternatives to eat while on the go. In other news, I picked up a few men from Deja Vu who recapped the events that took place inside. One kept talking about how he was on a budget, but at the same time he wanted to enjoy himself. The other kept talking about how much fun it was, but the girls that worked there were definitely all about the money and upset they only had singles to spend… they were definitely ballers on a budget…

May 24, 2016

Tonight’s Uber adventures featured a lot of cool folks from all over the country, but there was a weird high school kid who kept trying to sell me his cell phone. I politely declined, but did admire his persistence and his last sales attempt by saying I could have the phone for $200 and flip it on Craigslist for $400 or $500. Tempting business proposition for sure, but I still declined. The last rider was a lady who entered the vehicle with the statement, “Please don’t wreck, because I have a full bladder.”

May 1, 2016

On tonight’s episode of #UberAdventures, I gave a ride home to a fellow Zag who had a friend/roomie who rode in the back. While we talked about all things GU upfront, her friend in the back awkwardly screamed, yelled and cursed at her, I’m assuming, soon to be ex-boyfriend. Not sure what the guy did, but it was enough to get an earful for 30-ish minutes. Sucks to be him lol.

March 13, 2016

In tonight’s episode of Uber adventures: I had a girl announce that she may puke upon entering the vehicle, I asked her to warn me in case I needed to pull over, thankfully she didn’t puke; had a drunk girl leave her phone in my car, a lady offered me burgers and beer at 11:45pm, I politely declined, and I ended the night with a couple who kept using the word “diddle” in inappropriate ways. Thankfully we all watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia and were aware of how hilarious and creepy it was at the same time. Danny DeVito would have been proud.

January 31, 2016

Definitely was a bizarre night for Uber driving. Had a record 6 cancellations. Either they knew me and refused my services or my car wasn’t good enough. Then had a drunk girl hop in my car at Borracho’s who turned out to be the wrong rider. My last trip was with a 45 year old male who told me he was being assaulted by a female at a house party so he needed me to drive him home. Browne’s Addition is a little bit of a drive to Mead and he was annoyed that I didn’t have “water for drunk people,” his words lol. Sorry bro, you can tough it out for 15 minutes, I don’t drive a limo, just trying to pay my bills haha.

October 3, 2015

Lately on my Uber Adventures I’ve been getting a few “pukers,” if you will. Well, one gentleman proceeded to vomit and flatulate at the same time. His girlfriend and I got a good chuckle at his expense. Well played sir. Guarantee she won’t let you live that one down. I can’t make this stuff up.

August 27, 2015

Uber adventure of the night; just had a gentleman with a little bit of a speech impediment and a mustache tell me that he is Bruce Wayne and that he lives in the Bat Cave. Also, that many a ladies were “sweating him” tonight.

August 23, 2015

Uber quote of the night, “Man I’m drunk! Not like blackout drunk, but definitely drunk. I mean I’ll remember most of the night, but still feel like crap in the morning. Oh well.”

 

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